Baby Colic and Crying: What New Parents Need to Know

What to do right now

1. Put your baby down safely and step away

If you feel rage building, your hands shaking, or thoughts of shaking your baby—put them in their crib immediately and walk away. Go to another room, count to 30, and breathe. A few minutes of crying won't hurt your baby, but parental burnout can be dangerous.

This isn't abandonment. It's responsible parenting when you've reached your limit.

2. Use the helicopter method

Hold your baby face-down along your forearm, supporting their head with your hand. Many colicky babies find this "colic hold" position soothing. If it doesn't work after two minutes, don't feel like you failed—try other techniques to soothe a crying baby.

3. Check for the hidden culprits

Sometimes babies cry inconsolably because of things we can't immediately see: a hair wrapped tightly around a finger or toe, a clothing tag scratching them, or gas pain. Strip them down and do a full body check.

4. Try these reset strategies

When nothing is working, try these "circuit breakers":

• Take baby outside for 60 seconds (temperature change often helps)

• Run water in the sink or shower (the sound can be magical)

• Put them in a baby carrier and walk, even if it's just pacing your hallway

Normal feelings that make you feel like a monster

• The "mom rage" you felt when nothing worked for the fourth night running? Normal.

• The moment you wanted to put the baby down and walk away? Healthy.

• The guilt about not enjoying your baby during these episodes? Every parent with a colicky baby has been there.

• The fear that you're damaging your baby or failing as a parent? Understandable but unfounded.

These feelings don't make you a bad parent; you're only human. Persistent infant crying can trigger intense stress responses in even the most patient people, and acknowledging these emotions is the first step toward managing them safely.

What colic actually looks like

Colic is defined as crying for more than three hours a day, more than three days a week, for more than three weeks. But those clinical definitions don't capture the reality of living with it.

Grace describes her son's colic: "It wasn't just crying. It was this desperate, inconsolable wailing that made me feel completely helpless. He'd pull his legs up, turn red, and nothing we did helped. It felt like he was in pain and I couldn't fix it."

While some believe colic results from an immature nervous system, overstimulation, or digestive issues, the exact cause remains unknown. What matters more than why it happens is knowing it's not your fault and it will end.

Colic typically peaks around 6 weeks and improves significantly by 3-4 months. Your baby's brain is developing the ability to self-soothe. Every night of crying brings you closer to calmer evenings.

Emergency self-care for your worst moments

1. The 5-minute reset

When you feel overwhelmed, set a timer for 5 minutes. Put your baby in a safe place and do whatever helps you breathe: splash cold water on your face, step outside, call someone who won't judge you, or just sit in silence.

2. Daily affirmations

• "This crying is temporary and normal."

• "I'm meeting my baby's needs even when nothing works."

• "Taking a break makes me a better parent, not a worse one."

• "Thousands of parents have survived this phase."

Your crisis contact list

Before you're in crisis, prepare:

• Partner's work number and text preferences

• Three friends/family who can come over or provide phone support

• Your pediatrician's after-hours line

• Emergency services

When partners tag team (and when you're alone)

If you have a partner

Switch off every 30 minutes during crying episodes. The on-duty parent handles the baby while the other takes a complete break—no guilt, no suggestions, no hovering. Use simple phrases: "I need to tap out" or "Your turn."

If you're doing this alone

Ask for specific help: "Can someone come over Thursday evening from 6-9 p.m.?" Don't try to be a hero. Single parents managing colic need extra support, and asking for it shows strength, not weakness.

What to do when people give unhelpful advice

When someone says "Have you tried..." after you've been dealing with colic for weeks, you don't need to be polite. A simple "We're working with our doctor on strategies" shuts down the suggestion parade.

When they say "It must be something you're eating" (to breastfeeding parents) or "Maybe you're too stressed," remember: colic happens to calm, experienced parents too. This is not a reflection of your parenting but simply your baby's developing nervous system.

When to get help immediately

Call 911 or go to the emergency room if:

• You have thoughts of harming yourself or your baby

• Your baby's cry sounds high-pitched or different from their usual colic cry

• Your baby has a fever over 100.4°F (38°C) if under 3 months old

• The crying is accompanied by vomiting, diarrhea, or other illness symptoms

Call your pediatrician if:

• You're concerned this might be more than typical colic

• You need additional coping strategies

• You're feeling overwhelmed most days, not just during crying episodes

Your survival, not your failure

The fact that you're reading this while your baby cries shows you're a dedicated parent seeking solutions. The exhaustion, frustration, and desperation you feel reflect how hard you're working to help your baby during an incredibly challenging phase.

You don't need to fix every cry or prevent every meltdown. Sometimes your job is simply to stay present with your baby during their distress, even when you can't make it stop. That presence is profoundly loving, even when it feels inadequate. Just know that:

• The parent who puts their baby down safely when feeling overwhelmed is being responsible.

• The parent who asks for help is being smart.

• The parent who cries along with their baby is being human.

All of these responses show love in action.

The skills you're building now—staying calm under pressure, asking for help, prioritizing safety—will serve you well through every stage of parenting.

You're not just surviving colic; you're learning to parent with strength, wisdom, and deep love under the most challenging circumstances. That makes you not just a good parent, but an exceptional one.